My past tells me there is nothing worse than family pain, but even worse than that is when it becomes public. I remember trying very hard (in the moment) to not say or do anything I’d later regret, to rise above, and to grant forgiveness even though it was never asked for, even when I was being dragged through the coals unnecessarily or when I felt completely wronged. I stayed silent.
I said nothing in response to the character attacks, to the assassination that was me… And I apologized for anything I could’ve done to deserve abandonment. And I stayed silent.
No one knew the truth. My truth. And I didn’t dare suggest it in order to not disrespect my family or out them in their privacy. Even though they ripped mine apart. I stayed silent.
In the end I apologized for things that I could’ve been accountable for, which were nill, but I did it anyway. I did it to reestablish the peace, not just for me, but for my household, the ones living amongst my pain and chaos. And then, I stayed silent.
After this was over, after I was forgiven, I never was afforded the same understanding. And I stayed silent.
It bothered me briefly, but I put it away and moved on…I stayed silent.
What I learned is that some people need to be understood in their own ignorance. That some people need left right where they are so that you can move on… Some people will never get the opportunity to grow because they can’t allow themselves to see fault or accept any type of accountability or responsibility for their part that they played in anything. And that is the true crime—the life that’s not lived. The stagnant soul. The one that refuses change. Change being the reason life’s worth living in the first place.
Two years ago today, I decided to make some major changes in my life.
I have been inspired, challenged, worked, and motivated, to make ME a better me, not just for my own sake, but for those that love me and surround me.
I’ve learned many lessons, but the most important one is that I am part of a bigger existence. It’s not just all about me…and that my self will, will get me shorted each and every time. I depend upon and pay homage to a Higher Power—My Life Force—the Master of Change and Forgiveness—My Creator.
And today, I know a new peace. A new serenity, and a new life. Blessings. 💚
“We say the battle is the Lord’s, but we stress like it’s ours. We say the battle is the Lord’s, but we worry like it’s ours. Now, we’ve wasted all of our strength worrying when we could have been worshipping. The battle is not yours. Give it back. Quit doing God’s job for Him. God wants His battle back. It came up from behind you. You can’t fight it, give it back. You can’t figure it out, give it back.
How do you give it back?
That’s a focus. That’s looking beyond what’s coming against you and looking toward Christ within you.
Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” —Steven Furtick
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed Everybody knows the war is over Everybody knows the good guys lost Everybody knows the fight was fixed The poor stay poor, the rich get rich That’s how it goes Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking Everybody knows that the captain lied Everybody got this broken feeling Like their father or their dog just died Everybody talking to their pockets Everybody wants a box of chocolates And a long-stem rose Everybody knows
Everybody knows that you love me baby Everybody knows that you really do Everybody knows that you’ve been faithful Oh, give or take a night or two Everybody knows you’ve been discreet But there were so many people you just had to meet Without your clothes Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows That’s how it goes Everybody knows Everybody knows, everybody knows That’s how it goes Everybody knows
And everybody knows that it’s now or never Everybody knows that it’s me or you And everybody knows that you live forever When you’ve done a line or two Everybody knows the deal is rotten Old Black Joe’s still picking cotton For your ribbons and bows And everybody knows
And everybody knows that the Plague is coming Everybody knows that it’s moving fast Everybody knows that the naked man and woman Are just a shining artifact of the past Everybody knows the scene is dead But there’s gonna be a meter on your bed That will disclose What everybody knows
And everybody knows that you’re in trouble Everybody knows what you’ve been through From the bloody cross on top of Calvary To the beach of Malibu Everybody knows it’s coming apart Take one last look at this Sacred Heart Before it blows Everybody knows