Today was my son’s 3rd day of Cyber School. Due to an extended holiday break, and because of the Coronavirus, we spent most of the week homeschooling.
My husband has been working out of town this week, so I have had my son all to myself. This made me a teacher, a mother, and a comrade during this new, transitional time that we forged through together. Into the unknown!
But, we had done this before.
Last year at the end of Kindergarten when the schools shut down and went Cyber, the entire days and weeks worth of schooling came from…well, this small house. In all reality, it was just him and me. And we did the best we could with what we had and what we had been given.
To be honest though, I was different then.
Six or seven months ago I made a huge transitional personal change. I had gotten to the bottom of my so called “pit” and knew I needed to make some vast changes. I won’t get into the details to stay true to the nature of this story, but the time for me had come: I needed to change and to change for good or else I was about to lose everything I had once had. Life was chaos and I was behind the wheel.
So, I did. I changed. And I still continue to change.
This is scary. Change. Although good and a true form of growth, it is a scary ordeal. It takes guts. It takes God. It takes a God that knows what He’s doing, and one in which you can trust your life with. And so that is how things went. I trusted in God, for real this time…for the first time ever, and my life began to slowly change.
It still continues to transform. My days now are much different than the mundane ones that I had endured before. Each day has new purpose and meaning. And I find peace and serenity in the strangest places. The smallest crevices of the Earth, I swear, contain the greatest glories. And it is truly magical. What I see now with a clear mind, head, and heart, are daily extravagancies I never knew before. And every day I’m blown away at how much I used to take for granted. How much I bypassed or shrugged off my blessings that surrounded me simply because I was full of self delusion and grandeur.
Today, was one of those magical days; however, that keeps me coming back day after day to see what God has in store for me next.
Today, my son and I worked hard at “doing” school or what we were directed to do via Google iMeet. Most of this included a worksheet or white board, with live class participation throughout the lesson.
I was not just relieved that my son excelled at his studies and wrote a magnificent piece of writing, but I was surprised.
He wrote, what I consider to be his first short story.
It was entitled: “The Day of Christmas.”
The teacher asked the students to write two sentences.
My son wrote: “The tree was beautiful and the star was shining. The stockings were full.”
After sharing his sentences with the class, the teacher was impressed and told him he used great adjectives!
Later on, I told my son how proud I was of his creativity.
“You’re going to be a good writer just like me,” I said.
It was the first time I’d ever said anything like that or felt proud of something I was good at.
Something good that I now shared with my son.
It was extremely special.
It was a feeling I can’t ever forget. It felt like God’s love was showered upon my shoulders and for the first time, I felt like I loved myself. I was proud of something that I was gifted with…a blessing. And I was happy.
No more criticism or negative rumination. It was what it was—a good trait. One that I had by God’s grace somehow passed on…to my adoring son.
“Dad says you’re a good reader and I know why, Mom,” he said.
“Why?” I asked in honest curiosity.
“It’s because your Mom was a teacher.”
I cried. It touched my heart so much. I hugged him harder than I ever have before. It felt like a validation from up above. Although, I do not teach now, I have taught in the past. It was a passion. A calling. But one in which derailed as soon as I got pregnant.
I had a rough pregnancy and even more scary childbirth. But we both made it. And now it is something I realize that has not only bonded us, but made us both stronger because of it. However, there was NO perfection. No moments from Hallmark. There was nothing that made you think that your “selfie” with your baby would be magical and fulfilling like it had somehow promised it would be. There was no hospital room luxury. It was much like unexpectedness instead.
Looking back on it all I can’t help but think of Mary.
How the unexpected for her turned out to be the Savior of the world. Pretty magical. And in that, it gives me comfort in knowing that regardless of how things might initially look, or how they might originally feel, we all are solidified as one if we are in Christ Jesus. In that way, all things work out for good. But, we first must believe. And wholeheartedly.
It was such an emotional beautiful morning. Exhausting, but worth the effort. My son and I finished school just in time for a late lunch together. Just the two of us, on the same page, literally and figuratively, and we were moving forward. It felt though, like finally…maybe we were about to thrive instead of just survive like we have been for so many years. And it felt hopeful and joyous and free.
This morning made me realize many things but most importantly, I have realized that we are blessed, even in times of strife, when the world attempts to separate us. When the world attempts to tear us apart. God is good…and He is always there. And as long as we keep our sights on Him, we will find peace, love, and happiness in our hearts. Our minds will be full of good things. And our hearts will overflow.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” John 16:33