Snow, at Dawn.

When it snows

at Dawn

I see the angels calling

All the white glitter

Of Easter or special secrets

Untouched by the human eye…

Only to melt away

With promises

Of their Return

Once More.

In the silence, I hear the most.

Agape

In the dim stillness

I am grateful to be alone.

And when I am, I feel God.

There is stillness and memories—

Alone times from year’s past—

Clear back to the stairs

in the white lace, sitting patiently,

Sitting quietly…Sitting alone.

Years before the rocking—

the tears, fears, and mental anguish…

I simply started off alone.

Curious perhaps, even afraid,

terrified of what I might find

all alone in that dim stillness.

I waited forever.

To see it.

To bask in it.

To touch it.

I could never seem to get close enough…

Until one day,

It turned me inside out.

It transformed my life.

And I was never the same

again.

Purpose from Heaven.

Having people who “don’t prefer you,” means you are living life as your true authentic self.

That you aren’t trying to make everyone like you or, “people please.”

When you, “people please,” you rob God’s handiwork in allowing others to be touched by His masterpiece…which is, of course—YOU.

Practicing self care, self love can also include simply being yourself.

Embody You.

Stay in your own lane—with God.

You will always be loved by Him and be safe.

He made You—on Purpose!

And He made You—for a Purpose!

Today’s blog post is dedicated to my Grandma, Norma Jean Vensel, one of the only members of my family to actually take interest in, and read my writing. She passed away this month at the age of 89; this one is for you, Grandma—thank you for always making me feel proud of who I am as a loved Child of God.

Dig.

My memories are like seeds…

That have been cut in half.

Half of them grew

Half of them didn’t

And the ones that remain

Somehow wedged in the Earth,

Are broken.

They shift

They change shape

As they long to grow

To see the Sun.

Family Matters.

My past tells me there is nothing worse than family pain, but even worse than that is when it becomes public.
I remember trying very hard (in the moment) to not say or do anything I’d later regret, to rise above, and to grant forgiveness even though it was never asked for, even when I was being dragged through the coals unnecessarily or when I felt completely wronged. I stayed silent.

I said nothing in response to the character attacks, to the assassination that was me…
And I apologized for anything I could’ve done to deserve abandonment. And I stayed silent.


No one knew the truth. My truth. And I didn’t dare suggest it in order to not disrespect my family or out them in their privacy. Even though they ripped mine apart. I stayed silent.


In the end I apologized for things that I could’ve been accountable for, which were nill, but I did it anyway. I did it to reestablish the peace, not just for me, but for my household, the ones living amongst my pain and chaos. And then, I stayed silent.


After this was over, after I was forgiven, I never was afforded the same understanding. And I stayed silent.


It bothered me briefly, but I put it away and moved on…I stayed silent.

What I learned is that some people need to be understood in their own ignorance. That some people need left right where they are so that you can move on…
Some people will never get the opportunity to grow because they can’t allow themselves to see fault or accept any type of accountability or responsibility for their part that they played in anything.
And that is the true crime—the life that’s not lived. The stagnant soul. The one that refuses change. Change being the reason life’s worth living in the first place.


I’d rather be silent.
And love. And move on.

To Be Willing.

I used to be very overwhelmed. I suffered from what felt like a debilitating form of anxiety. There was never “just one” problem—the world seemed like it was my enemy.


When I started on a spiritual path to serve God, things changed. I was no longer depending upon myself, but giving it all to a power far greater than I was.


I’m no longer ill at ease when I work on my transformation—to be a living sacrifice to the God of my understanding.


I know now, that all I need is to be “willing.” God does for me what I can’t do for myself.

In a Nutshell.

My uncle died sober—a goal for us all, but he was definitely one of us. He was truly one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

Years ago on Thanksgiving his wife, my aunt, committed suicide after being pulled over the night before for a DUI. No one knew of her struggles with alcoholism.

Years later, uncle Glenn came close to death when he wrecked his car and broke his neck.

He moved in with my mom and dad.

My dad, then a recovering alcoholic introduced him to the fellowship and the rest is history.

My father growing up was an awful alcoholic and it was a very tumultuous and secretively upsetting upbringing for both me and my brother.


Two years ago on April 21st I decided to tell my secret—that I too was an alcoholic. My father didn’t hesitate to show up at my door, big book in hand.

And that’s where and when I started my journey of recovery.

That’s when I became free.

That’s when I gave everything to a power much bigger than myself.

And to this day, I feel my aunt didn’t die in vain; I believe like ripples in a pond, I was saved.

Happy Birthday.

Two years ago today, I decided to make some major changes in my life.


I have been inspired, challenged, worked, and motivated, to make ME a better me, not just for my own sake, but for those that love me and surround me.


I’ve learned many lessons, but the most important one is that I am part of a bigger existence. It’s not just all about me…and that my self will, will get me shorted each and every time.
I depend upon and pay homage to a Higher Power—My Life Force—the Master of Change and Forgiveness—My Creator.


And today, I know a new peace. A new serenity, and a new life.
Blessings. 💚

Give It Back.

“We say the battle is the Lord’s, but we stress like it’s ours. We say the battle is the Lord’s, but we worry like it’s ours. Now, we’ve wasted all of our strength worrying when we could have been worshipping. The battle is not yours. Give it back. Quit doing God’s job for Him. God wants His battle back. It came up from behind you. You can’t fight it, give it back. You can’t figure it out, give it back.

How do you give it back?

That’s a focus. That’s looking beyond what’s coming against you and looking toward Christ within you.

Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” —Steven Furtick

Love the Lover.

I got a fortune cookie once that said, “not everyone will love the lover, but they’ll always be watching him.”


I think, there’s something to be said about that.


Loving isn’t always easy, but just as God renews us and our spirit each and every day, the gift of love will always be there.

Choose love. See what happens.

God is love. His love overflows.
Love…will NEVER die. ❤️