Month: January 2020

I started back on my “program” yesterday. After gaining new employment and not being around the house anymore, our “habits” took somewhat of a back seat around here as to how we were “living.”

I haven’t blogged in some time. Mainly, because I have made excuses not too to the point of being numb to any form of acknowledgement or accountability. Simply put: I put it off…and for some time.

I am reading this book right now…well, as of last night when I couldn’t sleep…called, “Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts” by Jennie Allen. I can’t tell you how mind engrossing it was…as I stayed up late, mainly talking to God and reflecting, I realized something about myself:

I have let myself go…I have spiraled.

I don’t really know when I let things begin to slide, but oh they have. Not only am I overweight on the scales again, I feel as though someone is constantly pounding on my chest and blinking for me instead of me doing it on my own. Strange. But as with what some may call “bad choices” also come “bad habits.” I haven’t been minding my own health and it has finally taken its toll.

I realized last night how much I missed my boxer. Tyson was nearly ten years old when he passed away last Easter and it was definitely his time. I can’t say though that I have taken it too well…not considering my “current” state of well being. One thing that I am learning through this book is the ability to not just “change” but to “transform.” It is “my choice” as she says….that I control my thoughts and must work to harness them with God’s help. After reflecting last night and starting my new diet or lifestyle adjustment yesterday, my body went bonkers. It isn’t used to such a straight lined detox but I remember now the early days of my adjustment from before. Before though, I wasn’t working and things seemed easier somehow. I had the days to myself and could shop or plan or eat or exercise at will. Now, I get up and it’s all I can do to find some spare moments in the mornings alone…just to be with God and it has worn me out. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28.

Here I am…again Lord….take me…and quick. I suppose it is only in our human nature to sometimes find ourselves spiraling…but the main point I take away from all of this is: Be Grateful. Be Loving, because YOU are Loved by a God so powerful that he can transform and renew your mind, your heart, your soul, your whole being. There is nothing that can stop the victory that has already occurred. You my friend, if you are in Christ, are in good hands and even if you stumble, or fall, he will never leave you, even when you are in your darkest days and nights. He is there. Just ask and He comes. Just like any relationship, it takes time…you must make time to spend each day with yourself and God.

And this morning even though I woke up at 5:00 am I somehow still found myself pacing in a mad rush to find “alone time” when my kid woke up early at 6:00. Our house is small. Too small and when my husband left for work it woke him up, and when my son gets woken up he does not go back to sleep, so up WE were…getting ready for the day two hours early. And somehow? I still managed to feel rushed (for some reason) when we were leaving to go out of the door to catch the bus at 8:00.

Some sprinkles.

My message today is about Love. And His love he has for you. In order to love we must first realize that we are loved and to what extent it is that we are cherished.

When we were rushing out of the door this morning I stopped and realized, wait…we are on time? Why are we rushing? I was trying to clean up breakfast while my son was hounding me about one thing after another and as I cleaned up those sprinkles, both red and pink, I realized, I was missing him and he was right in front of me. I wasn’t “loving” on him or cherishing him at that moment and it has become a routine that I have taught him very accidentally—To “rush.”

Time is something we can’t get back. And just like those sprinkles, memories and moments are gone in an instant. As I was wiping them up I started working on my inner mind and transformation habits and slowed down…and I began to become “part” of the moment instead of one being held hostage to it.

I counted the sprinkles in my hands as I wiped them up.

“One, Two, Three, Four, and Five!” I shouted!

My son suddenly cheered up and held out his hands.

When I went to transfer the sprinkles into his cupped palms, he grasped at all but a few.

“Two,” he said. “I’m sorry I spilled some. I only have two now,” he said. But he gave me a hug and I hugged him extremely hard and said that no matter how many sprinkles he ever had, I’d still love him just the same.

It made me think of how much time goes by that simple moments that we “give” to others are things that sometimes we don’t even give back to ourselves or the ones closest to us.

When I couldn’t sleep last night I cried for Tyson. That would have been one of our times together—late at night if I couldn’t sleep. One night we even played capture the flag, but anyway…I missed him but then I remembered that this book that I’m reading which teaches you basically how to redirect your thinking told me to be grateful. It’s an interrupter. So I thought of all of the things I was grateful for… And suddenly before I knew it I was blissfully listening to the sound of my husband breathing as I was awake simply being with him. Many people don’t have this type of love or companionship, and even though Tyson is gone, even if temporarily, I know that I have my best mate with me right now by my side. And for that—I am beyond blessed.

God has blessed my heart and soul and I pray that he touches you today too. Every day is a new day. One step at a time.

And Amen to that!

Today is the first official day, of 2020.

You would think, because one’s vision is SO bright when they have 2020, that perhaps…maybe this year will treat us to new and unexpected things that we can see more clearly now than ever before.

You know those “quizzes” you can take on Facebook? I took one this morning entitled: “What is your Bible verse of 2020?” I thought the results were fitting based on my current situation, so I decided to share it with you…

It comes from Jeremiah 29:11.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This is one of the most famous and popular verses one might see in Christian bookstores and other places that house uplifting quotes, etc. However, it was always one my mom used and for that reason I know it well.

I think it is important to share special messages such as this. It means more to each person than you could ever guess as its meaning changes from situation to person and thus, creates a magic hopefulness that awaits us all in diverse ways.

It has been a long time since I wrote. I have since taken a job working with special needs adults and it has been a big rewarding new journey but one that has taken up all of my free time that I used to have…to meddle. I think at some point it all caught up with me, as I have been sick more this season than ever before. This has not helped my job or future career in human services as you can’t “work” unless you are of good health. Thus, taking better care of myself and my health has become of top priority.

So, for this year instead of making the “old” routinely promises for the year up ahead, or “resolutions” if you will, I have decided to simply “Wing It.”

What do I mean by this? Simply put: I plan to rely on God’s power more than my own.

I can do all things through Him that strengthens me and He ultimately directs my path. It is simply up to me to stay steadfast and true to His word and to listen.

That is how I obtained this new job to begin with…by listening. And oh boy, was I looking for Him. I will never forget even to the exact point of where I was sitting when I saw the ad for the job placement and it had said “part time” and that the hours were from 8:15-2:45 M-F. What?! It was “too good” to be true and meant I could work full time and also be the mom that I have wanted to be while working. It gives me the leisure in the morning of getting my child on the bus and then likewise, picking him up from school at the end of the day…perfect. The extra income was of dire need as well so that was another answered prayer.

Living each day one day at a time is what I continue to plan to do this year…as I couldn’t have predicted such circumstances for myself or could have controlled my fate in any such way in which it transpired. It was simply, “meant to be” and after five full years of being a stay at home mom, I suddenly found myself, overnight, one that also worked outside of the home. It has been an adjustment. Things are much dirtier in our house, and dinner has not become routine in healthy ways yet, but you know what?

We are surviving, but getting ready to start thriving. And that my friends, is hope.

We are getting there and I have full faith that God will be with us to see us through. He promises a future and a hope, and for today, I see the light. Here’s to 2020. As always, may God bless you and keep you.

Amen.