Month: August 2019

Today is day 3 of Kindergarten and we almost missed the bus.

I kept telling my husband that we needed to be ten minutes before the allotted time, “just in case” and he always made fun of me. Well, today proves my point. The bus was nearly ten minutes early and my son was still putting his shoes on. “Hurry Up!” I yelled and helped him buckle them. “Run!” I said. I went running out to the bus before him, leaving the door hanging wide open and yelling at the bus driver my apologies. “It’s okay,” she hollered. My son stumbled behind me and up the stairs and onto the bus he went.

I felt awful afterwards having to rush him goodbye like that.

Point taken. Be ready…no matter what life brings you. Try your best to be on time, alive, awake, alert, whatever it takes. Especially if you’re responsible for someone other than yourself. Today was a wake up call for me as I was just easing into starting to feel somewhat comfortable with this new routine.

I have gained a pound so far this week. I know it has been due to unwanted stress of it being the first week of school and so forth, but it irks me that even though I’ve done everything else right on my new program, that a pound was found on the scale this morning.

Have you ever done everything you felt you could, whatever was in your power and felt somewhat defeated?

I have done this before and the mistake I always have made in the past is not turning it over to God. Sometimes we try to control TOO much, and it’s not our job. Instead of moaning and allowing this 1 lb. to defeat me though, instead I decided to look towards my “non scale victories” and this included not eating another one of those white donuts I was talking about the other day. I have abstained from all donut eating this week and I’m telling you, being here alone means I’m not even going to buy them ever again. My son can have peanut butter toast from now on. This helps me to avoid any unnecessary temptations by creating a stable, healthy environment and also teaches my son healthy habits at the same time.

I have so far, cleaned nearly every nook and cranny of my home since this 3 day hiatus started and now I’m wondering what my future holds. I’ve put myself on the back burner for so long that it does seem somewhat exciting now that I have some time all to myself again. I have been doing my Leslie Sansone walking tapes for 2 miles now for example, because I simply have the time to invest in myself. Investing in me is new to me. But I know that God has great plans for me. And it includes a new me. As long as I trust in Him, and not myself I will be just fine as new and exciting things await. I pray that you look to Him today too and that you have a great day. It is always a great day when you choose to make it one. Depend on God. And Amen to that!

“And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.” Philippians 1:6

Today, I’ve come a long way. A long way from this morning, and a long way from my past.

Today was my son’s first day of Kindergarten.

We walked to the bus stop together, I helped him onto the bus, and then I cried the whole way home by myself.

I called my mom, my husband, and they both suggested that I calm down and realize what an accomplishment this was instead of drudgery. For five years now, I have been gearing us up for this moment, this plunge into the world, and today it finally happened. I would love to tell you it was successful but seeing as how my son is still not home yet, I cannot. The morning was a success, as I’m sure school is a hit as well (knowing my son). He was ready, and I knew this…I just couldn’t help but think it was me holding me back.

With spare time now on my hands I wondered what to do with myself. I had gotten into the habit of tearing the pages out of my favorite devotional last year and today’s was missing. So I went to the next one. The epiphany of the day was to use time wisely. Wisely, I thought…as I stared at the white raspberry filled donuts on the counter. There were three.

On a normal day from my past those three donuts would have been gone. I might have even went to get beer, or any other type of bad habit to sustain my feelings of anxiety, but not today. Today, I stood up for myself and said, “no.” I turned to my support group for help and they, and as always, were there with the support, and words of encouragement I needed to hear. Stop. Challenge. Choose. I had done it. Making the morning a success. I said “no.” And said “yes” to many other things. Healthier things like walking and getting outside of the house to name a few.

What I need most right now are new, better habits, better ways of living. I have all of the tools at my disposal now, but this time of year, I’ll admit, is hard for me. It’s the time of pumpkin spice and baking, of football and beers, of sweatshirts, and of Susie homemaking that I’m accustomed to…which also, I realize now, is part of a bigger scheme of bad habits I’ve picked up over the years. Baking loaves of homemade bread is fine, but not when you have no one to serve them to…donuts too, are nice on the countertops, but not when you are home alone all day having to look at them. You can only bake so many pies for example. So, today instead of eating, I decided to replace a bad habit and reward myself with a good one. I picked out a healthy recipe from my health coach that she had sent to me and I went to the store—by myself to shop. And it was glorious! I realized, for once, that I didn’t have to race due to someone else’s time constraints. I even found the pine nuts to finish off the recipe! Sweet perfection! I felt alive! I also got a lot of kudos from my online support group for being so brave and disciplined.

This might sound silly to you. Perhaps even irritate you. I’m sorry if it does. But I’ve lost nearly 25 lbs. since June 17^th in utilizing this new way of life and new way of thinking and I’m telling you—it works for me. Living a healthy life is the gift I give to others and to my family and day by day we learn new habits that lead us into the direction we want to go. I thank God every day for changing my mindset and giving me the ability to now work out again and eat right. It has taken hard work but there isn’t anything I can’t do without Him. I’m forever grateful.

If you ever want more information about my transformation or the program I’m on please let me know. I’d love to share it with you. Until then, I’m off to shower up after doing a Leslie Sansone tape and await my husband and child to come back home to me—where they belong! And Amen to that!

“Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise, making the very most of the time.” Ephesians 5:15-16

I have officially lost over 24 lbs. on this new program I’m doing and I can’t tell you how good it feels. It has only been 10 weeks, but staying on course, day in and day out has proven to be successful. I was thinking this morning about how much more weight I want to lose and I decided that at least another 20 lbs. was necessary to get me to a healthy weight. I hadn’t realized it (at the time) but during my pregnancy I gained a total of 70 lbs. I had never been overweight before then and didn’t know (up until now) simply what to do about it all.

My old ways of living were simply not working and the more I suffered, it seemed the more and more I gained. It was an awful, vicious cycle, but the worst feeling was feeling out of control.

We should all be the lead in our own lives. We should all play the main part…but in my life, I felt like I was floating, literally amongst everyone else as the world passed me by. Day in and day out it all felt the same. I took the best care of my son that I could, but being unhealthy and overweight gives you many challenges throughout your days and it causes awful mood swings.

My devotional this morning was about moods. It basically said to rise to the occasion regardless of a bad mood or not, and to do things that you would do if you were simply feeling better. So, that’s what I did today. First I cancelled a doctor’s appointment though because my allergies have been killing me…it was just for a routine checkup but I didn’t “feel like” going so I called and rescheduled. This was all mind you BEFORE I read my devotional making me start the day off with allowing my mood to take over my mind instead of vice versa.

After I read my devotional my day started turning around, however. I worked out, got myself ready for the day and even cleaned out a shelf in our bathroom that has been hounding me for years. Do you have one of those shelves or drawers in your house? You know, the ones that things just somehow get thrown into. Back home, we used to call it “the junk drawer.” Well, this was a junk shelf full of unused products and odd eccentricities. I read a meme this morning on Instagram that said to not only “detoxify” your life but do detox cabinets and clean out cars…to clear away past items and make them new. So that gave me some inspiration this morning too. My husband will be delighted. But then he will want me to also do HIS shelf I’m quite sure of it. It would only be fair, as the products on HIS shelf, are well…also mine. Ha.

We went to Kindergarten orientation last Tuesday and it went really well. My five year old has a terrific teacher and he’s so excited to start school this Tuesday. He is all ready to go so there should be no reason why I’m so anxious, but let me tell you…I have been. I keep praying about it and trying to bide the time, but I’m wanting Tuesday to come, be good, and allow us to move on with a new schedule and life. I keep telling myself to get excited with my son, instead of anxious…just in case some of my unknown anxiety rubs off on him. So far, he is nothing but excited and not even a tad bit nervous so I need to cut it out. I’m trying my best.

I pray today the universe is good to you and that you allow change to come easily. I pray for the kids starting school and for their teachers and safety. I welcome fall and look forward to all that the upcoming season brings. Thank you God, for ever changing seasons. Help us to be thankful and glad. Amen.

“The Lord…will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:8 (ESV)

I used to be someone who used to run away from things. My problems. Life. Everything. Until one part of my story became overloaded, and bogged down with too many memories and life experience that never got digested properly. It caused massive attacks and confusion and I’m happy to say, as of today, those hauntings are safely behind me.

I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my background, although shiny and glimmery on its surface, once used to be a personal hell full of turmoil and great grief.

I had married a narcissist and one that was cruel and very abusive. I was trapped in a marriage and too far away from close confidants; I’d gotten lost somewhere along the way. I was too far away from home…a safe place where people actually “knew” me. I was a stranger, literally, in my own life for years, and it took its toll all on me physically and emotionally but most importantly, spiritually.

I’ll never forget living in Texas and working at an ad agency and one of my bosses coming to my desk privately and saying: “If you are married to someone with manic depression, they are going to steal your soul.”

Years later I found myself nearly running for my life, my belongings stuffed into garbage bags and running out of that apartment in Ohio…the place where my ex had gotten a promotion and moved us to. It was close enough to Pa that I could run across the border. And with my family, that’s what we did. I was out. But only physically. I went through a very haunting divorce and many years full of very unhelpful therapy. It has taken me a long time to readjust to the real natural world. It has actually taken nearly a decade of recovery, healing, but finally, now today I am able to sleep at night and feel safe in my own home. I can use as much toilet paper for example, as I want and eat what I want….I always could, but now I believe “I’m allowed” to….Today, I am mentally free.

I remember too many things to ever count but more of which are horrific stories and nightmares that used to actually happen in my home on a daily basis. I remember crying every single day. And not the shedding of a small tear but mascara stained pillows and bloated eyes on a daily basis after a night full of fighting. I remember being locked into places I felt I would never get out of again…alive. And yet here I am. Today I’m able to cope with it all as though it never happened. But it did. And at one point I needed more help than what my family could give me so they had checked me into therapy. After years of not talking about my situation or the obstacles I was still facing I had locked them away…in my mind vault and that is where spiritually the most damage had been done. The therapy I received last summer was the very best thing anyone ever did for me. It was true love that my family surrounded me during that time, and got me the true help that I had to have. They didn’t have a choice by that point nearly though. I had become unresponsive and literally began shutting down as a human being. “If you are married to a person who abuses you, they will steal your soul” I would always hear that boss echoing in my head. I felt, at the time that she was right. What happened over the years of great physical and especially mental abuse had robbed me, and it was a seemingly dark hole that no one knew if I would ever make it back out of again. But what they didn’t know, was that in Texas is where I found Jesus.

My parents used to send me devotionals when I lived in those crummy apartments with him. I remember locking myself in the bathroom and for it to be “the routine” whenever he would start…but I would go to those devotionals. Something about them. What was IN them, saved my life. Each and every time. And as I continued to read, I started to highlight and write in them. By the end of it all they were no longer books but pieces of damped scrunched up pieces of paper…things I would cling to when he came busting in those bathrooms breaking the doors down. I had found Jesus. Those pieces of Him that saved my life. He saved me and continues to save my soul each and every day. I am “more safe now than ever” He tells me and I know after last summer’s last stand…I know that this is true. The devil hasn’t won. And he never will.

I looked at that marriage and years full of heartache and pain as a battle between good and evil as there has been no reasonable explanation for any of it otherwise. Evil did not prevail.

If it is anything that I learned though from my life as it is now, it’s that I must first learn to heal myself before I can heal others. And my service today, is to do just that.

I was always someone who wanted to help “the other party.” It got me into some trouble throughout my life and put me in very bad situations, ones in which I ended up hurt.

I have new boundaries now, but it is still hard to live as the empath that I am. I tend to suck up the energy from anything even around me, so I must watch what places I put myself in and what surroundings certain experiences could awaken. It is simply how it is. It is my life. And I’ve decided that memories, even the bad ones, are precious gifts. Little pieces of life experience that we should wear as our battle armor. If you are a survivor too, please know that you aren’t alone. Stay strong. Rely on the Lord. Each day His mercy is new. Good always wins in the end as long as you are properly aligned with it. Align yourself with the Lord. He is your true protector, and He wants the best for you.

May God bless this message. It is His will, not mine. I’m thankful to those who have taken the time and listened to it. Amen.

“Having gifts that differ according to the grace given us, let us use them.” Romans 12:6

This morning reminds me of one of those mornings I used to have with Tyson.

The peacefulness that we would feel when the dew was fresh and the sun was just beginning to edge out the clouds of darkness. Tyson and I would sneak early mornings like this one to the park…or what they consider to be a park around here and we would walk.

It would be early enough that the sun wouldn’t blaze and he wouldn’t get sun burnt.

I get to see him today. Well, visit his grave. We are going to Rimersburg for a car cruise, and it is my father in law’s favorite day of the year.

We are going up early at 8 am. The cruise starts at 1.

“We have to be ready!” he will say. He has always been an early morning kind of guy who used to make a major commute to Pittsburgh back when he was still in the business. Now, he remodels homes mainly for himself as he owns two properties that are side by side…one is the original family home and the other one was once owned by a dear old friend. Now the dear old friend, now passed, can rest assured that his house is in tip top shop shape, as my father in law takes care of it like he does his cars—meticulously and perfectly with nothing but showroom excellence.

It got me thinking this morning about all of these old cars that will be on display. How they are all so fine tuned and polished, and how once they were at the hands of something probably pretty regular. Today, we give great heed to these remnants, to the originals, and to the memories that were our childhood, our adolescence…by walking through these cars, paying homage to them as though they were old friends. I know my father in law feels this way, or he wouldn’t treat them as he does. They each have a stall of their own in his massive garage, as though they were horses in a barn.

I used to think it was all about vanity. I won’t lie to you. But the older I get, the more I wake up early on the Rimersburg car cruise day, because it was my childhood, and cookie daze, (the town fair), was my tradition growing up. Seeing my father in law makes me proud and I proudly walk the streets back and forth with the family, because I am part of their family and it is what we “do.”

This morning the early rising sun reminded me that Tyson was gone. But it also has left me with feelings of joy. The circle of life, our lives and remnants are things of value. They are near and dear to our hearts. They elicit strong emotions and feelings and shouldn’t be taken for granted. For someday we will be talking about someone or something that is no longer with us, and without paying homage to it today we will have lost that blessing while it was still with us. Celebrate each day. Life is a party at party gatherings. Party On. And may God bless you today and always.

“I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessings.” Ezekiel 34:26

Do you ever have days where you want to do something, but your body actually won’t let you?

Yesterday it finally hit me. I felt like I’d been hit by a ton of bricks. I needed a break. My body was tired and I needed sleep, so I allowed it to sleep in until 11 am! Then, after feeling guilty for allowing my body to have what it needed, instead of feeling good about things, I went on to try to do a million things in attempt to make up for lost time. Have you ever done this? Allowed your feelings to take control of your mindset? Instead of being rational about things, I acted on feelings, and it made a whirlwind of a day in fighting against what was to be and what I wanted it to be.

“Act now” my devotional from yesterday said. And I attempted to take it literally. I tried to do everything under the sun, including blogging, but nothing would allow me to get things done for some reason or close to being completed. My computer completely blanked on me and the blue little swirling icon wouldn’t even allow me to restart my computer properly. I was at a loss. What would I fill my day with if not for tons of meaningful tasks…and then it occurred to me. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. And maybe it wasn’t even that meaningful. Maybe sharing my good news meant taking a break from life for a while so I could recharge. I was then forced to have a day that though meaningful, wasn’t full completely with “stuff.” Or getting things, “done.” It was more about reflection.

Normally my days are full of mundane tasks. Do you ever feel this way? Like what you are doing isn’t important? It occurred to me yesterday, when I was actually taking a break from all of those “tasks” that they weren’t actually adding up to anything. They didn’t truly mean much other than something was completed. They didn’t include much feeling and didn’t work to uplift anyone else…they were empty. And what an awful feeling that was!

It occurred to me that because everything seemed like it was going “wrong” that maybe it was a red flag to slow down, reevaluate my habits, and to reevaluate what I wanted in my future instead of mindlessly repeating past mistakes and moving forward. That’s what would help my tomorrows and my future, by actually “living” in my present instead of rushing and racing around it, to embrace it instead. I decided to change my mindset. I forgave myself for needing time to rest and I put myself on a new track that included more down time with my son instead of routinely going about my day to day. We tend to become such creatures of habit sometimes, that life seems stuck at a standstill.

Maybe “act now” actually meant something more about relationships other than completing chores I thought.

Maybe giving proper priority to our relationships in life rather than meaningless tasks that can be checked off of a check sheet was the actual lesson to be learned. And maybe, just maybe spending more time with Jesus, was just what I needed. After changing my mindset, I began to feel more fulfilled, more loved, and more joyous.

I just went into our bedroom, which is where my son is resting and asked him if he wanted to go to the park. “No” he said. “I’m way too tired.” And for the first time, I decided to respect this response instead of pushing us forward into something that would have become more laborsome than fun. Instead I’m letting him rest, because he told me his needs and it is my responsibility as a parent to teach him that resting is not something to feel guilty for, but something that our bodies need to properly function. Sometimes resting and recharging is key to our long term success. Perhaps it is the perfect balance between resting and running that we need to win the race ahead. And Amen to that~!

“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus.” Hebrews 12: 1-2

My husband leaves for work at 6am and we get to sleep in for a bit longer before my five year old sounds off. This morning I heard him wail, and I woke up and rushed to the bathroom, brushed my teeth and put in my contacts before he had time to wail again. Off to the coffee pot I went.

I don’t need to set an alarm. Every morning my son wakes me up by hollering, “Mom is it time to wake up??”

It wouldn’t matter what I did, as soon as I hear him, I know…it is time to start a new day.

I guess you could say I’m not a morning person as before my coffee I am pretty ill to the world; for everyone’s sake though, I try to make it to the coffee pot as soon as possible.

“Mooooom! Is it time to wake up yet>?!?” He will go and sound off until I answer with a “Yes.”

Nothing else will do. Until I say, “yes” he is dedicated as ever and goes and goes just like an energizer bunny. Boom! Boom! Boom! “Mom! Mom! Mom!”

It sort of reminds me of the hounding that occurs on a trip or vacation, “Are we there yet?”

But no, I don’t ever need to set an alarm as my little man is quite devoted to waking up each day at the same approximate time. So he wakes us both up. Isn’t he considerate?

This morning…

I knew that yesterday was my last chocolate chip pancake fueling, and I was already disappointed in knowing I was going to have to eat cereal instead. When what happened, but an extra pancake packet was found in my shipment and oh, it made my morning. I actually jumped up and down with glee. Oh, another day just like my last one! To have them match! It delighted me. And it’s the littlest things (nowadays) that make me the happiest. Sound the alarm!

Having a chocolate chip pancake for breakfast, one that reinforced my program, is exactly what I needed this morning to put me in a good mood. It gave me something to be grateful for, although small, it reminded me early that the little things sometimes can be great things. It’s all in how we look at it.

Do you ever have things in the morning that you do routinely and if it gets off schedule, you yourself feel like the day is off too? I can’t tell you what a creature of habit I am, but each day I actually “enjoy” feeling the way I do in waking up. It’s what makes me, well, me. At the time, it feels like a struggle, but if it were in any other way, it would feel, “off.” I would probably sleep the day away and not have an alarm. I wouldn’t rush to the coffee pot as there would be no reason to. I wouldn’t even eat breakfast—one of the most important fuelings of the day, because there wouldn’t be a reason to be up…what I’m saying is, I’m grateful for the situation that I have going on each day as it makes me rise to an occasion of sorts. It helps me to greet the day the best way I know how to. And I always want to be ready. Ready for everything, including eternity. And Amen to that.

I may stumble each day but with the Lord on my side, nothing can be bigger. He knows what I can handle. It is my responsibility to be ready, to keep alert, and to cease the day. You never know what the day could bring…

“Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake and alert and watching when he comes. Truly, I say to you, he will gird himself and have them recline at table and will come and serve them!” Luke 12:37

I woke up yesterday and wrote a whole blog and in the middle of it, my computer decided to restart.

I decided the words must not have been meant to be and went about my day…so I didn’t blog yesterday as planned. I then went off course. And it seemed like the more off course I got, the worse off road I became…

My day, which ended in the first “failure” I’ve had since starting this new program started off as a slight misguidance, but by the end of it all ended in total mayhem. I don’t know what was wrong with me but I was hungry. And the hungry monster I became ate. And then ate some more…regardless of what happened, I simply got off track. But the “feeling” of it all made me miserable. I felt like I weighed tons, as the guilt of it all took over. (Looking back at it all now, I realized that I skipped my lean and green dinner which made me want to eat the house down). In retrospect, this became a lesson, but at the time, I was confused and misguided…and I was simply out of control and hating the feeling of it all.

My journal, which always reminds me to stay on course became a big list of food, and ones that didn’t even make sense at the end of the day. Instead of using the journal to plan and to always follow through with what I set my course on, I instead decided to “wing it.” And very unsuccessfully. So, the feelings of failure greatly outweighed any type of accomplishments I had last week and that to me was pure sadness and regret. My problem seemed like a monsoon after only one afternoon.

Have you ever gotten off track and wanted it to be over and instead of quitting were looking for a new beginning instead? Like, immediately? I think about this now that thankfully, it’s Monday and a perfect time to get back on course and tell myself that what “was” simply needs to be put into the past and left there. On to bigger and better things, new goals, and new accomplishments as I attempt to rid myself of yesterday’s guilt. With a new day and journal entry helping it to surpass, I look towards living one day at a time, and remind myself that striving for perfection to be a dead end road.

What I’ve realized in doing all this, when counting my blessings and doing my devotional with the Lord,  is the lesson that failure actually gives us. Sometimes to fail is to actually succeed, as today I’m more motivated, and stronger willed than I have been since I started this journey towards optimal health. With this new regeneration, I am transformed, renewed by God and His serenity. God has grant me a new beginning just like He does each and every day. Every day is a new day. Be glad!

I have a wonderful health coach that sent me a video this morning on plateaus, and what I learned from it was that I’m actually not on a plateau. I haven’t gained weight at all and have continued to lose, even if it is smaller this week than it has been in the past. It is a loss I’m grateful for as I continue on my journey toward a healthy weight and optimal health. My why includes reasons beyond aesthetics, as each and every day I gain more energy, and stamina to live each day to its fullest. Fueling my body being a key turning point in staying on track, over time, my harvest will be repeated as I find mini victories in each day.

I just went into my son’s room and his cookies from his snack included one last chips ahoy. “Here, eat this so I can throw it away,” I said.

“No, I’m full,” he said.

I took the bag and threw it away.

This is a perfect example of my non scale victories from last week, as even though it ended on a day that went off course, for the most part I stayed on track and threw food that was untouched away instead of insisting we all be a part of the “clean your plate” club. I must remember this as we enter into a new week, that progress, though seemingly small, adds up. Our mini harvests are something we should always been striving for, and our rewards overall will then always be many. And Amen to that!
 

“Let your eyes look right on and let your gaze be straight before you. Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright. Turn not aside to the right hand or the left; remove your foot from evil.” Proverbs 4:25-27

I remember when I was in college. It was a summer course, and it was poetry. All about words.

Each day the exercise was to wake up and write. Even if you had nothing to say, the exercise, or “habit” that they wanted you to not just conceptualize but to reinforce was the habit of writing.

I remember getting up each day and sitting at that green wooden desk. I would stare out the window at the traffic going by…that is when we lived on main street and the hustle and bustle of it all contrasted with the green earth always gave it some type of inspiration. The words came.

“Write the vision” my devotional was entitled today, so how could I not…?

I have been writing a lot this week, and whether this is good or bad, it has been what I have been led to do. It seems this week’s theme is doing things you don’t want to do…or at least doing the work first, before play.

Today, the scripture was Proverbs 29:18, which states, “When people don’t accept diving guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is joyful.”

So go figure, obey and it will be granted to you. Write the vision and it will become your reality. Do the work and the habit will reinforce the outcome. Just do it. And there will be joy.

I think a lot of the times God directs me through reading His word and then by reflecting upon it by writing. So, regardless of whether anyone would ever read this blog or not, it is for me…correction, it is for Him. It is my service.

Do you have anything you do that allows you to feel this way? As though you are serving the Lord through a special quality? Everyone has one. Sometimes we think too much about it all and lose our purpose, but at the end of the day, the simplest thing may be part of your call to serve.

I pray you have a great day today regardless of what is around you. People may always speculate or disappoint you but remember that the Lord is always good and always there for you. Look to Him and find divine guidance, it will not only change your day, but it will change your life over time. And Amen to that!

“Where there is no vision, the people perish; but he who keeps the law—blessed is he.” Proverbs 29:18

There is some type of relief in knowing that I will never be a perfect person.

I don’t even strive for perfection (anymore). As I know this is the first factor in an escalator called, defeat. This morning I did a weigh in, and I haven’t lost any more weight this week. And at first, I was bummed, but then I remembered to count my blessings instead…instead of going and stuffing my face full of brownies and drowning in self misery. Instead, I did the opposite. I had a bottle of water instead of a third cup of coffee. In counting my blessings, I realized many things that were good, not perfect and in that way I was more than grateful and very satisfied in how far I have come in just one year of life.

Today it finally happened—the harvest.

Well, a mini harvest happened. But today, my five year old did everything he was supposed to do to “get ready for the day” without me having to HOUND him. He was then allowed to play his video games until we are about to leave for an appointment. But finally, the discipline paid off from yesterday and today we enjoyed a morning full of peace and serenity. And I am grateful for that.

I see my psychiatrist today. And every time (for reasons beyond me), that I see him I get anxious. I am on medication for anxiety. Oh, the irony, but anyways I am excited today when I look at the positives to get “weighed in.” I will have lost weight and I know for a fact it will be taken with good heed. I remember when I was pregnant not wanting to even go to the doctor appointments because I had continuously gained so much weight.

“What are you eating?” he asked me while I sat fatly draped on the so called, “bed” in the doctor’s office.

“Cereal.” I remember saying…

But either way all of that sugary cereal topped with my swollen figure did not make for an optimal ride. In fact, my pregnancy was pure misery with the sickness and weight gain…gain that I’m finally about to rip off of me like a bandaid. You just wait and see. 15 plus pounds down on this new transformation and even though I didn’t lose weight this week, I FEEL good. To strive for perfection is a losing battle and one I have lost before, many times over. But to simply thank God for feeling GOOD every day is a miracle and one that is something that I call a blessing. It starts the chain of events, from how we feel to what we do with those feelings that leads us down the narrow path to optimal health. Good choices create good habits and soon enough you find yourself going for the bottle of water instead of the coffee. Mainly because you realize…you don’t need it anymore. And Amen to that!

I pray you have a good day and even though you may feel anxious at times, that you know that God is there for you even in the midst of strain. Use faith when you can’t see how problems will be solved and you will reap that harvest that is about to come. Amen.

“For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11