Self Improvement – Party Gatherings

Killing Thyme.

Reflections…

I remember waking up in the early dawn days with my boxer at my side wondering what the day would bring…I was always so hopeful.

But I knew, that time would bring me nothing.

I never fully admitted this to myself. I kept my hope and kept praying, and worked diligently on my mindset, but truth be told, there was no action in my life that was going to save me from me.

I used to sit on this one particular part of my couch and read…searching for life’s answers, wondering as countless days, hours, minutes strolled by all around me and wondering what I was secretly going to do to actually change my situation.

I felt so hopeful and hopeless.

At that point in time in my life, I wasn’t even capable of understanding what my situation was, and dare I say that sometimes I still don’t.

But what I do know now is…that that is perfectly okay, even normal…and that all I have to do is be “willing,” to start a new beginning. I don’t have to know all the answers to begin to change my life entirely. I simply must want to change.

Awareness is the first step to the catalyst of change. But action…is the deal maker or breaker. And what you do or where you go from deciding to change, and where it leads to is or is not the actual success. It’s not what you did, it’s what you do now.

Changing from the Inside~ Out…

My main difference in becoming more awake, alive, and living a life full of meaning comes from something much greater than myself…and I have learned through personal experience and practice, that my Higher Power, when asked for His intervention will handle the rest.

All of the rest. And that is what allows me to grow, to let go, and to find peace, love and light that is in this world and all around me if I choose to see it and live each day with purpose. I live in the life of gratitude, in serving others, and in maintaining my sobriety, my program, my daily reprieve.

Living One Day at a Time…

Acceptance. There are no more “forevers.” It is always just for today…

Time…has no boundaries in this fashion. It becomes nearly illogical. To find God, we live in the now. And that is where true growth and change lives. And at the height of my journey that is where I aim to be as much as possible.

Huge breakthroughs, miracles, monumental seasons can banish old tides when we stay present and count our blessings, and it can also come crashing like new waves into your life when you finally learn to let go…and let God. Your Higher Power. Your universal truth. Your inner light. Your spiritual being. And I hope and pray you find this, because it is serenity. Bless you!

To keep things light, I have included a picture of my dead herb I found this morning on my kitchen floor, showcasing for all to see that THYME is nothing but a mind trick. Anything can happen. At ANY TIME.

Mindfulness.

A Morning Meditation on Easter Sunday…

For me…this is the most simplistic and doable spread I’ve ever allowed myself.

And for me…this was one of the most memorable moments I’ve had since the loss of my grandmother, since the absence of my mother and father, and since my growing abundance of my small family that surrounds me right now that I’ve ever had.

This moment is to be planted and harvested—it is to be stored; because it’s the first of its kind that will remind me of how I once did something that went against an old behavior.

Today—I am new.

New traditions and new happiness happen when we allow ourselves the freedom to embark on new adventures and opportunities in our lives. Growth, though sometimes painful and often difficult, allow us to see new beginnings, new possibilities, and new ways of life like never before.

And sometimes…?

That’s a very good thing.

In fact, sometimes, it is the light at the end of a long tunnel. The mat in front of the doorstep, the caring call from a new friend or neighbor, a memory of times past when we were together that reminds us of what life is really all about—love.

And how that looks for you today, even if it’s different than yesterday, is something that can never die. Love endures forever. And that is a foundational truth.

Love. Short and sweet, is all we need.

If you are full of it today, consider sharing it. Love. More than food, love can be felt and it can be shared sometimes by simply being present.

Sometimes being present is the actual gift.

And Amen to that.

Unfriend.

I have been so many people in my life, but as an active alcoholic I isolated into nothingness. They call this the last stage of alcoholism—the state of oblivion…

There was no more joy, frustration, hurt, or pain…just a bruised shell of a body and a warped soul that was so beaten down that it finally came to the last door…

And that door was hopelessness.

I had a close friend do me wrong recently—very wrong actually.

I had been self isolating for so long towards the end of my drinking years that I’m not too sure I knew whether or not it was even possible for me to make friends again. But, once I was in recovery for some time, pieces of me began to float back…they reminded me of who I really was—who I am today and it’s something I’m still investigating.

And although in recovery, I was quite hesitant in making anyone I knew or worked with a friend, I did so anyway.

I used to punish myself for outcomes like these. When relationships don’t work out…I can almost hear my own inner thoughts now: “I told you so…when are you going to finally realize that no one actually cares about you—no one likes you.”

Recovery has taught me to rewind the tape. To become aware of the inner narrative that says these things, and to flip them around in my favor…otherwise I’ll drink.

Also, I must always remember that feelings aren’t always true.

Recovery has taught me how to love and live and give back mainly because of the new tools and means by which I’ve learned to cope. I now have a strong foundational support unit, others just like me, and ones that know what it means to escape death…and at least once.

The hope I always needed to make it one day at a time was there all along, it was just a matter of finding it and in finally being ready to turn my life over to something much greater than myself in order to be saved. And I did it.

Today I take risks. I see disappointments as new opportunities and new beginnings; I’m grateful and willing to change. And in that way, my experiences are endless—and so are my blessings.

Xoxo

Lowering Expectations.

When I first met my husband, I remember, talking non-stop. It’s something I’ve always done, but I used to be quite a chatterbox, probably not allowing others to get much more than a word in…I was young, and my beef was always with others instead of the reality of the situation—that I, in most cases was the actual problem.

I remember him telling me once, “Jeanna…you just need to just—lower your expectations—!

A man of few words, I still remember this…and what (probably) came afterwards towards him was a tidal wave a defense mechanisms, all that defended my stance and character defects in feeling as though I’d been stunned, shunned, and insulted to the highest degree.

It wouldn’t be until years later that this conversation would rear its head again, and this time it came at a point in time (when I was much older and in recovery), that I was willing to listen.

“Lowering your expectations,” even now sounds so defeatist to me. But when I really think about it, it’s truly just a ploy to help us understand how to get rid of that “all or nothing” thinking—that slight nudge we all have towards “perfectionism.”

“Progress not perfection,” they say…but what does that even mean, and how does that slogan even apply to all aspects of our journey when it comes to lowering our expectations.

For me, I realize now, that lowering my expectations does NOT mean lowering my standards, changing my values, or lowering the bar in the creation of my goals.

It does; however, mean, that I sometimes expect more out of others and situations that are even possible and THAT is what sets me up for failure and the awful feelings of disappointment and despair…and when I feel let down by others it can sometimes feel like I’m unloved, taken for granted, or that I’m on some type of “no fly” list.

So I’ve learned to lean in to what “lowering expectations” means for others and so far I’ve learned that it’s actually a very healthy way of defeating the “all or nothing” mentality.

Sometimes we wait for that perfect moment or person to come along in our lives in order to make a decision. Honest mistake, but one in which the all or nothing approach loves best…

Our minds tell us that we should be validated and emotionally invested and supported by others in order to be successful but in reality, that’s only looking for trouble. Lowering our expectations of others means we no longer need their emotional validation in order for us to be successful.

Lowering expectations can also mean:

-a realistic and achievable viewpoint

-predetermined success

-being relevant and helpful

-making things doable

-preparation for long term success

-ensuring our success by making responsible and mature choices

-being forgiving of others and oneself

So instead of carrying the stigma of negative consequences that “lowering expectations” used to have for me, I’ve flipped the script; today I instill my own best practices which include lowering my expectations and heightening realistic outcomes.

Here’s to a new day full of endless opportunities and great things for those who choose to be part of the journey in finding joy in the adventure.

May you be well—Always.

❤️

Snow, at Dawn.

When it snows

at Dawn

I see the angels calling…

All the white glitter

Of Easter or special secrets

Untouched by the human eye…

Only to melt away

With promises

Of their Return

Once More.

Agape

In the dim stillness

I am grateful to be alone.

And when I am, I feel God.

There is stillness and memories—

Alone times from year’s past—

Clear back to the stairs

in the white lace, sitting patiently,

Sitting quietly…Sitting alone.

Years before the rocking—

the tears, fears, and mental anguish…

I simply started off alone.

Curious perhaps, even afraid,

terrified of what I might find

all alone in that dim stillness.

I waited forever.

To see it.

To bask in it.

To touch it.

I could never seem to get close enough…

Until one day,

It turned me inside out.

It transformed my life.

And I was never the same

again.

Dig.

My memories are like seeds…

That have been cut in half.

Half of them grew

Half of them didn’t

And the ones that remain

Somehow wedged in the Earth,

Are broken.

They shift

They change shape

As they long to grow

To see the Sun.

To Be Willing.

I used to be very overwhelmed. I suffered from what felt like a debilitating form of anxiety. There was never “just one” problem—the world seemed like it was my enemy.

When I started on a spiritual path to serve God, things changed. I was no longer depending upon myself, but giving it all to a power far greater than I was.

I’m no longer ill at ease when I work on my transformation—to be a living sacrifice to the God of my understanding.

I know now, that all I need is to be “willing.” God does for me what I can’t do for myself.

Happy Birthday.

Two years ago today, I decided to make some major changes in my life.

I have been inspired, challenged, worked, and motivated, to make ME a better me, not just for my own sake, but for those that love me and surround me.

I’ve learned many lessons, but the most important one is that I am part of a bigger existence. It’s not just all about me…and that my self will, will get me shorted each and every time.
I depend upon and pay homage to a Higher Power—My Life Force—the Master of Change and Forgiveness—My Creator.

And today, I know a new peace. A new serenity, and a new life.
Blessings. 💚

Give It Back.

“We say the battle is the Lord’s, but we stress like it’s ours. We say the battle is the Lord’s, but we worry like it’s ours. Now, we’ve wasted all of our strength worrying when we could have been worshipping. The battle is not yours. Give it back. Quit doing God’s job for Him. God wants His battle back. It came up from behind you. You can’t fight it, give it back. You can’t figure it out, give it back.

How do you give it back?

That’s a focus. That’s looking beyond what’s coming against you and looking toward Christ within you.

Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” —Steven Furtick