Today, I’ve come a long way. A long way from this morning, and a long way from my past.
Today was my son’s first day of Kindergarten.
We walked to the bus stop together, I helped him onto the bus, and then I cried the whole way home by myself.
I called my mom, my husband, and they both suggested that I calm down and realize what an accomplishment this was instead of drudgery. For five years now, I have been gearing us up for this moment, this plunge into the world, and today it finally happened. I would love to tell you it was successful but seeing as how my son is still not home yet, I cannot. The morning was a success, as I’m sure school is a hit as well (knowing my son). He was ready, and I knew this…I just couldn’t help but think it was me holding me back.
With spare time now on my hands I wondered what to do with myself. I had gotten into the habit of tearing the pages out of my favorite devotional last year and today’s was missing. So I went to the next one. The epiphany of the day was to use time wisely. Wisely, I thought…as I stared at the white raspberry filled donuts on the counter. There were three.
On a normal day from my past those three donuts would have been gone. I might have even went to get beer, or any other type of bad habit to sustain my feelings of anxiety, but not today. Today, I stood up for myself and said, “no.” I turned to my support group for help and they, and as always, were there with the support, and words of encouragement I needed to hear. Stop. Challenge. Choose. I had done it. Making the morning a success. I said “no.” And said “yes” to many other things. Healthier things like walking and getting outside of the house to name a few.
What I need most right now are new, better habits, better ways of living. I have all of the tools at my disposal now, but this time of year, I’ll admit, is hard for me. It’s the time of pumpkin spice and baking, of football and beers, of sweatshirts, and of Susie homemaking that I’m accustomed to…which also, I realize now, is part of a bigger scheme of bad habits I’ve picked up over the years. Baking loaves of homemade bread is fine, but not when you have no one to serve them to…donuts too, are nice on the countertops, but not when you are home alone all day having to look at them. You can only bake so many pies for example. So, today instead of eating, I decided to replace a bad habit and reward myself with a good one. I picked out a healthy recipe from my health coach that she had sent to me and I went to the store—by myself to shop. And it was glorious! I realized, for once, that I didn’t have to race due to someone else’s time constraints. I even found the pine nuts to finish off the recipe! Sweet perfection! I felt alive! I also got a lot of kudos from my online support group for being so brave and disciplined.
This might sound silly to you. Perhaps even irritate you. I’m sorry if it does. But I’ve lost nearly 25 lbs. since June 17th in utilizing this new way of life and new way of thinking and I’m telling you—it works for me. Living a healthy life is the gift I give to others and to my family and day by day we learn new habits that lead us into the direction we want to go. I thank God every day for changing my mindset and giving me the ability to now work out again and eat right. It has taken hard work but there isn’t anything I can’t do without Him. I’m forever grateful.
If you ever want more information about my transformation or the program I’m on please let me know. I’d love to share it with you. Until then, I’m off to shower up after doing a Leslie Sansone tape and await my husband and child to come back home to me—where they belong! And Amen to that!
“Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise, making the very most of the time.” Ephesians 5:15-16