I started back on my “program” yesterday. After gaining new employment and not being around the house anymore, our “habits” took somewhat of a back seat around here as to how we were “living.”
I haven’t blogged in some time. Mainly, because I have made excuses not too to the point of being numb to any form of acknowledgement or accountability. Simply put: I put it off…and for some time.
I am reading this book right now…well, as of last night when I couldn’t sleep…called, “Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts” by Jennie Allen. I can’t tell you how mind engrossing it was…as I stayed up late, mainly talking to God and reflecting, I realized something about myself:
I have let myself go…I have spiraled.
I don’t really know when I let things begin to slide, but oh they have. Not only am I overweight on the scales again, I feel as though someone is constantly pounding on my chest and blinking for me instead of me doing it on my own. Strange. But as with what some may call “bad choices” also come “bad habits.” I haven’t been minding my own health and it has finally taken its toll.
I realized last night how much I missed my boxer. Tyson was nearly ten years old when he passed away last Easter and it was definitely his time. I can’t say though that I have taken it too well…not considering my “current” state of well being. One thing that I am learning through this book is the ability to not just “change” but to “transform.” It is “my choice” as she says….that I control my thoughts and must work to harness them with God’s help. After reflecting last night and starting my new diet or lifestyle adjustment yesterday, my body went bonkers. It isn’t used to such a straight lined detox but I remember now the early days of my adjustment from before. Before though, I wasn’t working and things seemed easier somehow. I had the days to myself and could shop or plan or eat or exercise at will. Now, I get up and it’s all I can do to find some spare moments in the mornings alone…just to be with God and it has worn me out. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28.
Here I am…again Lord….take me…and quick. I suppose it is only in our human nature to sometimes find ourselves spiraling…but the main point I take away from all of this is: Be Grateful. Be Loving, because YOU are Loved by a God so powerful that he can transform and renew your mind, your heart, your soul, your whole being. There is nothing that can stop the victory that has already occurred. You my friend, if you are in Christ, are in good hands and even if you stumble, or fall, he will never leave you, even when you are in your darkest days and nights. He is there. Just ask and He comes. Just like any relationship, it takes time…you must make time to spend each day with yourself and God.
And this morning even though I woke up at 5:00 am I somehow still found myself pacing in a mad rush to find “alone time” when my kid woke up early at 6:00. Our house is small. Too small and when my husband left for work it woke him up, and when my son gets woken up he does not go back to sleep, so up WE were…getting ready for the day two hours early. And somehow? I still managed to feel rushed (for some reason) when we were leaving to go out of the door to catch the bus at 8:00.
My message today is about Love. And His love he has for you. In order to love we must first realize that we are loved and to what extent it is that we are cherished.
When we were rushing out of the door this morning I stopped and realized, wait…we are on time? Why are we rushing? I was trying to clean up breakfast while my son was hounding me about one thing after another and as I cleaned up those sprinkles, both red and pink, I realized, I was missing him and he was right in front of me. I wasn’t “loving” on him or cherishing him at that moment and it has become a routine that I have taught him very accidentally—To “rush.”
Time is something we can’t get back. And just like those sprinkles, memories and moments are gone in an instant. As I was wiping them up I started working on my inner mind and transformation habits and slowed down…and I began to become “part” of the moment instead of one being held hostage to it.
I counted the sprinkles in my hands as I wiped them up.
“One, Two, Three, Four, and Five!” I shouted!
My son suddenly cheered up and held out his hands.
When I went to transfer the sprinkles into his cupped palms, he grasped at all but a few.
“Two,” he said. “I’m sorry I spilled some. I only have two now,” he said. But he gave me a hug and I hugged him extremely hard and said that no matter how many sprinkles he ever had, I’d still love him just the same.
It made me think of how much time goes by that simple moments that we “give” to others are things that sometimes we don’t even give back to ourselves or the ones closest to us.
When I couldn’t sleep last night I cried for Tyson. That would have been one of our times together—late at night if I couldn’t sleep. One night we even played capture the flag, but anyway…I missed him but then I remembered that this book that I’m reading which teaches you basically how to redirect your thinking told me to be grateful. It’s an interrupter. So I thought of all of the things I was grateful for… And suddenly before I knew it I was blissfully listening to the sound of my husband breathing as I was awake simply being with him. Many people don’t have this type of love or companionship, and even though Tyson is gone, even if temporarily, I know that I have my best mate with me right now by my side. And for that—I am beyond blessed.
God has blessed my heart and soul and I pray that he touches you today too. Every day is a new day. One step at a time.
And Amen to that!