It’s occurred to me very recently, that I am not good with change.
That’s not to say I’m not going to be good with change though in the near future.
Up until last summer, I was living a life full of so much…baggage…that I simply needed help putting my bags down. Luckily, and I am blessed to say, that I have a very unique and stellar support system of people that surrounded me and got me the help that I needed at the time; but it was scary. Everything up until that point became null. I felt dead. Weakened by life and my every day became an ongoing nightmare that somehow never got to hit the snooze button. I was lifeless.
That all changed though once I got the help I needed to get back on my feet and recover from some of my life’s past. I say this because it is right now that I am having the epiphany of it all—and now that my husband and I have decided we are not going to have any more children, it has put me in a certain “category” if you will, of being someone in a new space and time in their life. I am nearly forty. My husband IS forty. And we both agreed that I would be having a tubal next month. At first, the appointment seemed easy enough to make and I felt so free in thinking I was being so responsible about it all…after all if it were up to him NOTHING would ever happen in this department, so I knew I had to do something a little more…proactive.
All of this made me reflect. It made me sad. It made me mourn; but it made me realize what stage of “stuck” and I mean, truly “stuck” I have been for the past five years.
I had an awful pregnancy full of sickness and swelling and wasn’t well. I gained so much weight that people barely recognized me anymore. And then there was the emergency caesarian to top it all off. It left me feeling cut up like a broken piece of meat. In the meantime, I had this beautiful little baby and one that I had no idea what to do with…it was a time that I put myself on the back burner. And it hasn’t been up until recently that I’ve realized that I have been burning on that back burner for five whole years now…call me charcoal grilled! Flame royaled! At least flip me! I NEED change.
It was in this new light that I began to make “choices” instead of allowing what was targeting my emotions to take complete control. I wasn’t sad, no…in fact this new “chapter” of my life is going to be freeing and much more than what stands here before you. To gain control over my own life again, my body parts and weight is something I have been working on…and God has blessed me with a wonderful health coach and team most recently that have already helped me in SO many ways. They are such a tribe and inspire me to inspire others every single day. So, it’s more than just weight loss but the goal of optimal health. And that my friend, is what I WANT. And with a passion. I want it for me AND my family. And in that way, I can live a fuller richer life for the Lord. And Amen to that!
I pray you have the greatest day and remain positive regardless of any naysayers or what others may say for you doing what you need to do to be YOU. Step forward and make things happen for yourself. Love yourself today and every day because God loves you and His love is divine. Listen for the Lord and He will provide. Amen.
“I call to remembrance my song in the night; with my heart I meditate and my spirit searches diligently.” Psalm 77:6