They say that to lose weight, consistency is key.

I’m not trying to lose weight, but I wouldn’t mind it if a few pounds fell off unexpectedly. I do however, realize that as of today my consistency, not just with diet and exercise need focused on, but my consistency with daily life need to be looked at.

I haven’t been well lately. After Tyson’s death (for a small time) I started drinking again.

It made me very sick due to the medications I’m on and I realized that drinking is something I simply cannot do ever again.

After Tyson died, the consistency of my life changed, and I morphed into somewhat of a lost soul.

The good news is, that today is a new day and one in which I’m realizing its opportunities. There is always something you can do to change and because God’s mercy is new each and every day, I am able to transform. Amen! Either way, I haven’t felt like blogging much, but I can’t say that I would have been able to anyways. I was in a sad little hole, dealing with self-pity and not ready to speak of good news at the time. For that I am sorry, to God and to you. I simply wasn’t well.

Yesterday I went to a baby shower with my grandmother. It was a marvelous time and the first time in a long time that I felt happiness again. Surrounded by family we celebrated new life. And there isn’t anything better than that! I look at my five-year-old, who is ready for school and remember my blessings.

I saw my counselor also since the last blog and she suggested I find some new hobbies or ways to fill the time. Even though I know she is right, I know more so that my lack of consistency to be one of the culprits of things in my life suddenly spinning out of control. After Tyson died, I literally did too. And the laundry, the dishes, my home suddenly spiraled down with me and is now a mess. I can gladly say today, however, that even though my house is a mess, I am not. I am ready again to face my fears, to deal with the pain, and to move on with my life taking it one day at a time and not attempting to play God in my attempts.

My mom has been at a paint class these past few days and we have been watching her dog, Zoe. Zoe is a little bundle of Doxie joy and has really made a difference in allowing our family to accept something, “new.” She has really been a blessing. At first, I feared it would be too hard so soon after Tyson, but I prayed for a great experience and the Lord was good and answered our prayers—and more so.

It is nearly time to take my little one to school. My apologies that this blog might seem scattered as I’m just now getting back into a routine, but I know that anyone who reads this understands the stages of grief and forgives it all. Just like the big guy, He knows my heart, mind and soul, and forgives me each and every time I’m brought to my knees. I pray today for forgiveness and ask for new beginnings, ones with passion and happiness and things that I can consistently carry forward to bigger and better things. Amen.

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17


Author: partygatherings

Hi, my name is Jeanna. My life is a Party.

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