I’m asking God to “bless this blog” right now, because I didn’t intend to blog this morning, but I felt called to do so.
What I am to be blogging about though…is too much and would have years full of memories that one simple page would not allow.
This whole thing with Tyson’s death and losing him so suddenly has really brought me to my knees. I didn’t sleep well again last night but yesterday was the first full day without our beloved boxer. I tried to take my mind off of things by helping my husband to deep clean our house, which definitely helped rid the constant memories we all seem to be surrounded with…but also I had to get out of this house. So, I went to my friend Kim’s for coffee. Kim is one of my very first friends that I would consider a true woman of faith. Her door is always open and as she looked and listened to me with her big dark eyes, she made me realize what blessings I have for friends right now in my life. The people that God has, especially most recently, put in my path, have been pretty remarkable.
They have all been Godly. They have sent prayers. They have told me randomly when out and about that “Indeed, God is good.” And it has been an earthly support and a feeling of true genuine love that I just can’t explain. I am so grateful for this.
I can’t say that I always had friends that truly supported me the way God does though.
I used to be angry with God.
I know a lot of people still live this way, even subconsciously. But I did for a long time too.
I was such a lost person when I lived in Texas and I remember my dad sending me these devotionals that he had been reading. My mother had been giving me bibles and other Christian outreach attempts for decades, but for some reason, those devotionals (at the time especially), hit HOME. The words. The way they made me feel. The way I knew deep down inside that my rock bottom was then and that the only thing getting me by were those…words. Scripture.
As those Bible scriptures and my Higher Power started to merge, I started to listen to that tiny voice I’d always heard deep down inside. And I remember at one point, deciding to take a chance on it. I had nothing left to lose.
My (ex) husband at the time was in the process of receiving a job transfer. And I prayed. And you know…I listened more than anything what God’s will was for me. And it was to stay put as long as I did way back in those awful Texas days in an abusive marriage and in total isolation from friends and family. It didn’t make sense; but I did it anyway because that is what I felt led to do. God then answered my prayers and transferred us to Wooster, Ohio and it was just close enough for me to get myself back home again. Home to Pa. My place of belonging and now my home again with my wonderful husband of seven years, and our five year old son we share together. God answered my prayers in bigger ways because I listened and for the very first time, I realized what it was like to have a real tangible relationship with the Lord.
When I was having trouble sleeping last night I thought about all of this. My divorce, and when I gave myself over ENTIRELY to the Lord. I gave him my life. Every part of me. Because I owed Him. I never thought I’d ever get out of there alive. My time living in Texas and in some of the places I’ve been were very very rough, but as people around here remind me, even now after a loss: “God is good.”
My prayers were answered and not in my time frame, but in His. And that tiny voice, that Higher Power, was right. It was my first big dependency and leap of faith and it moved mountains for me.
Thinking about all of this helped me to realize last night, how much independence I’ve gained from being so dependent on Him. This might not make sense to you if you still battle with your own self will, but truly…my heart and entire being belong to something much greater than myself and that is what has allowed me to grow in my faith and be able to even stomach these recent events as well as I have.
I am an extremely sensitive person and one who has been through a lot of things…but at the end of the day, I am grateful for my journey and all of the pain because truly, it’s what has made me find God and what has helped me to continue to form this everlasting relationship with Him. Life is better this way. It is happy, joyous, and free.
I am grateful for my friends of faith and for their prayers. They have truly helped. More than you’ll ever know.
I welcome this new season and these winds of change with open arms, as I know the sacrifice Jesus made for me and it’s something to celebrate, not mourn. I used to get extremely sad around Easter, because I didn’t get it…the resurrection. Life eternal. Salvation. It’s a celebration of life and quite frankly, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to be about. Here at Party Gatherings we celebrate life. So let’s sing, and dance and celebrate Easter this Sunday. Each and every day God’s mercy is new. And Amen to that!
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.” AMEN.