My dog passed away yesterday.
I didn’t blog because truly, I couldn’t.
I have never felt such strange grief. He was like a part of our family, but for me was like my right hand man. He was constantly with me and at my side and for many years, much like a therapy dog.
I feel very lost but yesterday I felt sick. I was physically ill and ended up having a panic attack. My husband had to actually go to the pharmacy and pick me up some medicine for it, it was so bad. My whole rib cage felt like someone was squeezing it as tight as they could, and no matter how much deep breathing I did, it would not surpass. I prayed and after receiving some of my medicine, I felt a little better but nothing, nothing could contain the sickness I felt inside.
We took the day yesterday as a day of mourning and today are deep cleaning the house. Tyson’s fur is everywhere. I received many condolences, including one from his doctor, that I truly appreciated.
I have had many friends lose a pet, but have never gone through the pain and agony like the night/early morning of the 18th. We knew Tyson was gravely ill and I had made a call into the vet for them to call me back the next day…but as the hours went on, so did his sickness. I have never seen death before so this was a new experience for me. To watch something die is not something I’d wish on anyone but part of life.
I kept thinking that he nearly made it until Good Friday. That he, like Jesus will rise again and now that he is in heaven, he is at peace with our Lord. There were a lot of things that helped, but nothing like time. Time really does seem to heal all wounds. So just remember: “it gets easier,” as my father in law would say. And hang in there. The pain will not last forever.
There are very few that write about the intensity of grief in ways that seem helpful. They label the emotional roller coaster using huge blanket terms or umbrella words like: “anger, sadness, denial, etc.” but the truth is…it is basically a sickness. Something that you fight each and every day, but unlike those who are truly ill, it passes and gets better with each day too. It is guaranteed. They don’t often tell you that part…that there is an end to its intensity and that once we claim it and process it, that it does get better.
So, if you are feeling at a loss or you have lost something, all I can say from what I just went through is that it DOES GET BETTER. It is simply time. Suffer through it, process it, grieve, because each day like God promises is new and with each and every day a new sun will rise. It will get better and better as the days go on. But you must believe that your loved one is truly in a better place and that you WILL see them again. It is true.
The night of Tyson’s passing I knew that my aunt had come for him. I could feel her presence in the room, and shortly there after he left us. I know that he is somewhere I cannot go, but someday I will be on the other side of the door and able to not just knock but go in. I will see him again. And Amen to that.
I pray you have a good day and enjoy your holiday. I am taking a break from blogging to enjoy the holiday with my family and to reflect. It is a very special time of year. I hope that you see how special you are to the Lord this season, as he died for you…for the world to live in greater ways. Make them great and special. Enjoy yourself and your loved ones. Amen. Happy Easter. He is risen!
“Some of us will be surprised to see some of the people who made it into Heaven…and some of them will be surprised to see some of us.” T.D. Jakes
“If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.” Romans 9:9-10 (NLT)